Later that exact same day, I found something new and entirely infuriating waiting for me on my wooden fence post. It was a thickly laminated official letter meticulously taped inside a glittery, heavily perfumed pink envelope. I tore it open. “The Community Board hereby officially notifies resident David Miller of severe potential code violations concerning…
Because the absolute next moment would completely and totally belong to me. I entered my dark silent home through the side garage door walking purposefully and heading straight down the hall to the heavily locked utility room. Located safely behind two separate layers of highly advanced biometric security scanners I quickly pushed open the heavy…
“You are absolutely right about that Brenda I said projecting my voice so the officers could hear every single word.” I definitely would not want just anyone lurking near my private property. I put heavy deliberate emphasis on the final word. She stood there totally frozen with her mouth slightly open desperately trying to reboot…
Her smug face flickered for a fraction of a second but she recovered almost instantly with a condescending chuckle. “Oh David you are always exaggerating things!” she waved her hand dismissively. I know those are just a few personal power toys for your little computer hobbies. The HOA does not regulate your toys but we…
It is private property. Linda narrowed her eyes and the fake smile vanished. Let us be completely reasonable here. You are the only property the fiber line could pass through to reach the main highway connection. We just assumed you would be fine with it since you like being a good neighbor. It is not…
One bold message from a guy three houses down just said, “I will bring some red wine, but I absolutely do not share.” I was equal parts completely furious and entirely bewildered. Brenda had not only completely hijacked my quiet Saturday, she had successfully transformed me from an exhausted guy looking to relax into the…
The moment I clicked on it, a live satellite video feed popped up on the screen, centered perfectly on our neighborhood block. I could clearly see the unmarked black van turning down a heavily wooded access road right behind the community clubhouse. It was a road that the association had conveniently closed off for mandatory…
A week later, she went even further. She installed industrial grade string lights straight across the missing section of my fence, proudly loudly claiming to another neighbor that it felt so much more open and inviting this way. I kept taking pictures. I kept compiling my documents. I said absolutely nothing. I just gave her…
When Elena came home from work later that evening, I recounted the entire bizarre encounter to her over dinner. To fully understand the gravity of the mistake Karen was making, you have to understand exactly who my wife is. Elena is not just a highly intelligent, capable woman. Elena is a Supervisory Special Agent for…
Assume the absolute worst, accuse loudly, and arrest violently. The Holding Cell I was forced to sit down heavily on a freezing, hard metal bench. My wrists were tightly cuffed behind my back, my immaculate suit was deeply wrinkled, and my silk tie was violently undone. My dark reflection in the reinforced glass of the…
End of content
End of content