I Was Bullied By My Sister, Ignored By My Parents, And Left Home At 18

I was bullied by my sister, ignored by my parents, and left home at 18. Years later, they contacted me for financial help for my sister. For years, my parents disregarded my elder sister’s harsh bullying, so I moved out at the age of 18.

Six years later, they wanted us to reconcile, so they contacted me with the awful news. It backfires on them because my older sister Rose was a huge bully all my life, and living with her was sometimes terrible and tough, to be honest.

A Difficult Childhood

Rose has ADHD. Her continual hyperactivity and aggression made her a difficult person to live with, especially during our childhood. Rose was five years old when I was born, and her reaction to my presence was anything but welcome. She was always uncomfortable with the attention I received from our parents.

It’s not uncommon for older siblings to feel jealous or displaced by a new baby, but Rose’s emotions were very strong. She would throw full-blown tantrums whenever my parents spent time with me, as if my very presence offended her. All I remember from my youth is my sister snatching all of my toys. She would snatch them away without hesitation.

Birthdays, which should have been pleasant occasions for me, turned into mayhem. Rose would shout, cry, and stage a theatrical scene, completely overshadowing my jubilation. Instead of feeling special on my special day, I was frequently humiliated by my sister’s actions.

As I grew older, Rose’s actions got more targeted. She began to physically lash out at me. She would sometimes shove me out of the way, even when there was no need for it. Other times, she would bite me, which felt intentionally painful and malicious.

It was evident that her dislike for me was more than just a phase. She seemed to resent me for taking the spotlight and ruining the interaction she had with our parents before to my arrival. Rose has never had any pals. My parents would plan playdates in an attempt to make her feel included, but those should have been fun times evolved into stressful, uncomfortable experiences.

I had to continually mediate or apologize for her actions over the years. I couldn’t help but harbor tremendous anger for my sister. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t behave like other people or why she couldn’t manage her emotions. She also didn’t seem to like me much and would frequently pick conflicts with me.

Living with her was confusing and upsetting. I wished for a sister who would protect me, not one who continuously tortured me or made me feel unwanted.

The Parents’ Disregard

What made things worse was my parents’ lack of concern for me. They adored Rose, and it seemed like they were completely unaware of how her bullying was impacting me. Every time I tried to express my emotions or explain how much her behavior upset me, they dismissed it.

They’d explain to me that Rose was a special kid who required my understanding and patience at all times. Even though I was younger than her, I was expected to satisfy her demands and moods, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness. I remember when I turned 13.

I spent days urging my parents to make it a memorable trip for just the three of us. After much appealing and arguing, they finally reached an agreement. The plan was set. Rose would spend three days with our grandparents, and I would finally get my moment.

But when Rose found out, she had a major rage.

She was crying uncontrollably for hours, cursing, throwing things, and even getting in my face screaming threats that she would kill me for attempting to take our parents away from her.

To be honest, seeing her rage focused at me was horrifying and overpowering. Instead of sticking up for me, my parents started begging with me to let Rose join us. They tried to argue with me, explaining that it was the only way to calm her down.

I resisted at first, knowing deep down that if she came, my fantasy trip would be shattered. But with Rose raving furiously and my parents desperate, I felt forced to give in once again. Her actions determined the outcome, and I was forced to accommodate her.

As I had anticipated, bringing Rose turned the vacation into another fiasco. From the moment we arrived at Disneyland, she refused to enjoy anything like other children. She refused to sit on any of the rides and remain close to my mother the entire time. She was continually complaining about being overwhelmed by the throng and how much she disliked everything.

Her shouts and cries immediately became the focus of everyone’s attention, drowning out the joy I’d been building up for weeks. Within two hours, Rose was pleading with my parents to take us back to the hotel, severely ruining what should have been a perfect day. In the end, my parents had to split up to make the situation more manageable.

My mother drove Rose back to the hotel, and my father stayed with me so I could try to salvage what was left of the day. While I appreciated my father’s efforts, the overall experience felt tainted. My birthday was not the pleasant and carefree event I had hoped for, as Rose’s wants and tantrums took precedence once more.

I know my parents did their best with the cards they were handed, but it was brutally clear that my sister’s needs and priorities always came first. Rose wanted their attention at all times, and no matter what I did, I was always relegated to the background. While they believed they were doing the right thing by helping Rose, it frequently left me feeling invisible, as if my needs and feelings were insignificant in comparison to hers.

The Shocking Revelation

By the time I turned 17, I had had enough of my sister incessant bullying and my parents constant ignorance. I began fantasizing of freedom, of finally enjoying a life unencumbered by my sister’s needs or my parents demands. I started applying to colleges, focusing on those far away from home.

When my parents learned about my plans, they were furious. They did not understand or perhaps refus to see why I felt compelled to leave. They persuaded and virtually begged me to remain in our hometown.

They argued that Rose needed me, that I was her sibling, and that it was my job to be there for her.

I argued back, emphasizing that:

*”I didn’t care about Rose and would continue to apply to remote institutions regardless of how they felt.”*

My parents revealed the actual reason they wanted me to stay: their retirement plan. They intended to travel and enjoy their life while expecting me to bear full responsibility for Rose. They informed me about how they had been sacrificing their lives for years, waiting for my time to stand forward.

First and foremost, I had never been consulted about my parents’ long-term plans, and I had never given them any reason to assume I would be willing to accept care for my sister. Second, I had no intention of becoming her caretaker. I wasn’t her dad, and it seemed unjust and absurd to expect it from me.

I explained it to them as fully as I could. I also proposed alternate possibilities, such as hiring a full-time caregiver or teaching Rose to be more self-sufficient at least for a few days at a period so they could continue to enjoy their retirement.

My mother stated that:

*”Rose would never be comfortable with a caretaker”*

She insisted on 24-hour surveillance, which could only be provided by a family member, meaning me. My father agreed, even accusing me of being selfish for refusing to participate in their absurd idea. Their remark stung deeply.

As if that wasn’t enough, my father then confessed that the entire reason they had me, their second child, was so that I might grow up and take care of Rose in the future. I froze. My thoughts whirled as the weight of that discovery fell on me. I stared at them silently, my eyes wide with disbelief.

My mother instantly intervened, chastising my father for disclosing that secret and instructing him to apologize. She then tried to backtrack, stating:

*”He didn’t mean it and that of course they loved me as well.”*

But her comments rang hollow. The damage was done. I couldn’t unhear what he said, and it was then that I realized why I’d always felt invisible in comparison to my sister.

The fact that my existence had been portrayed as a solution to Rose’s care rather than as my own person with my own goals was upsetting. My mother insisted that Rose needed care, and that as a member of the family, I had a responsibility to her. She even argued that attending college far away would not benefit my life in any way and that staying in our community was a better alternative.

Living at home, she reasoned, would save me money on rent and other bills. I understood Rose’s predicament, but did that mean I didn’t deserve a life of my own? Did I have to give up my future just because she existed? The thought was suffocating.

The Escape

I didn’t say anything to my parents at the time, knowing it wouldn’t change their opinions. But within, I was more determined than ever to escape. I ignored their appeals and plunged myself into my college applications, determined to avoid them.

It wasn’t easy, but I worked tirelessly, and my efforts eventually paid off. I eventually got into a decent enough college to make the effort worthwhile. Obviously, when I told my parents, they were outraged. They refused to let me go and did everything they could to guilt trip me into staying.

Although I was 18, I knew I still needed support to get away from my parents, so I turned to my grandparents. I contacted appealing for their assistance. My grandma, who has always been a solid and caring presence in my life, came over right away. She helped me pack my bags and documents and offered me a place to stay with her and my grandfather till I left for college.

But my parents did not stop there. They threatened to cut me off financially, refusing to cover any of my educational fees. They informed me that if I left, I would be on my own forever, and they would cut all relations with me.

Even so, I refused to give in. I took out a student loan to help support my schooling. On top of that, my grandfather offered to cover some of my bills using his retirement savings. Accepting his help crushed my heart because I knew how hard he and my grandma had worked for that money. They were doing what my parents should have done: providing love, encouragement, and financial assistance.

The subsequent four years of my life were a whirlwind of hard work and perseverance. College was tough, not only academically but also emotionally. While most of my peers had supportive parents and enough money to go out, I did not have the same luxury.

Almost every day, I studied as hard as I could to support myself financially. I even took on a part-time job as a server, juggling long days and late nights around my studies. Those years were difficult, but I persevered because I knew there was no other option.

Meanwhile, my parents never contacted me, not once to ask how I was doing or if I needed anything. They maintained a deafening hush. Sometimes I question my worth, wondering if I truly deserve to be abandoned by those who were meant to love me unconditionally. But even then, I refused to give up, telling myself that if I kept going, I’d finally make a life for myself.

After graduation, I was really fortunate to get an excellent job. It was the opportunity I had been working so hard for, and it seemed like the first true payoff for all of my years of sacrifices. With this work, I was finally able to start repaying my college loans.

More importantly, I began repaying the money my grandfather had given me to help when my parents refused. He never wanted me to repay him; it was a gift of love, not a loan, but it meant a lot to me to lessen his burden and demonstrate that his trust in me was not misplaced. I maintain a close, loving relationship with my grandparents. Whenever possible, I arranged for them to pay me a visit and express my gratitude for everything they’ve done for me.

Rose’s Legal Troubles

This year I started hearing alarming things about my sister from my grandparents. Rose’s behavior appears to have worsened with time, and now that I am no longer her target, she has turned her bullying on others. She just began bullying the neighborhood youngsters.

Apparently, she had been throwing water at the kids whenever they played outside and intimidating them by saying that they weren’t allowed to play in her area. Unsurprisingly, the kids’ parents were concerned and complained to my parents several times, urging with them to address Rose’s actions and keep her away from their children. However, as usual, my parents did not take appropriate action.

They expected Rose would eventually become bored and leave the youngsters alone. However, Rose maintained her shenanigans, and the situation erupted when one of the parents, fed up with her relentless bullying, contacted the cops. When the cops arrived, they noticed Rose throwing water at one of the children and screamed at her to flee for her life.

Rose was immediately detained for allegedly harassing minors. My parents objected, but the police chastised them as well for failing to keep Rose under control. While this news has stunned some members of the family, it does not surprise me at all.

I’d witnessed her unrestrained conduct for years, knowing full well that my parents were more interested in creating excuses for her than holding her accountable. Nonetheless, the fact that my sister was now in legal jeopardy was a stark reminder of how disturbing her behavior had become. My parents ended up bailing her out, but Rose is now facing a court date.

The Unexpected Call

This week I received a call from my parents that caught me off guard. After six years of silence, seeing their phone number on my phone seemed weird. My father told me that he and my mother were at their wits’ end dealing with my sister. He claimed they wanted to reconcile with me, that they had missed me for years but had been too furious and stubborn about my decision to leave for college to contact me.

It seemed as if he was attempting to rewrite the story, wiping away years of pain and abandonment with a half-hearted apology. I could tell he and Mom had called me for something, so I told them to spit it out.

That’s when Dad indicated that with my sister’s approaching court appearance, they were finally seeing the truth, that perhaps I had been correct all along about my sister.

My father admitted hesitantly that:

*”My sister was a bully.”*

He claimed that she had gotten worse over the years since I had left and was getting into more serious trouble. Dad informed me how he and Mom had talked and that he now felt sorry for what I had been through. He admitted that they should have listened to me more.

He also informed me that they were finally willing to send Rose to therapy so she could receive the assistance she clearly required. Hearing those comments from Dad felt bizarre, especially since I had spent so much of my life urging him and Mom to take action against my sister only to be dismissed or taught to accept Rose’s actions.

Dad went on saying they wanted to meet with me and apologize in person if I was willing to listen. That’s when I informed my dad as quietly as I could that while I was was relieved that they were finally providing my sister with the assistance she required, the truth was that I no longer cared. They had been ignoring me for far too long. Over time, I accepted their absence and constructed a life without them. I wasn’t willing to reconcile with them just now. My father then tried to get me to reconsider.

I understand why my parents are reaching out after all this time. The explanation is obvious. They most likely require my assistance with my sister’s future case. I believe they may want me to provide a character reference for her if that is necessary or they may be hoping I can help with the lawyer bills because I make a good living and they are aware of this.

After all these years, it cannot simply be about reuniting. It appears to be a desperate attempt to rectify things, especially given Rose’s legal troubles. They need someone to back her up, and I assume they believe I am that person. I am sure they want me to step in and be the good son who helps them clean up their mess, but I am not going to do it.

The Financial Plea

Today, after weeks of asking, I finally consented to a video conversation with them. It had been a long time since we’d seen each other, and I was feeling a range of emotions building up to the call. When I finally saw them on TV, I couldn’t help but note how different they appeared.

They were considerably older than I remembered, tired and worn out. It crushed my heart to see them like that. Despite the emotions churning inside me, I attempted to remain calm. We chatted about their lives, how things had gone for them, and I told them a little bit about my business.

We talked about my grandparents and caught up on family news. Our talks seemed nearly regular, as if no time had gone since I last saw them. My parents apologized to me again. They appeared almost desperate in their statements, inviting me to come see them and stating that they had been thinking about me.

But at that point, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I questioned them outright: why now? After all, if they genuinely missed me, wouldn’t they have contacted me sooner during college while I was gone and needed their help? They made no effort to stay in touch, so what changed now? Why were they so ready to reconcile after so much time apart?

That’s when my parents almost unwillingly began to divulge the real reason they had contacted me. They claimed that they were in severe need of financial assistance to care for my sister Rose. My father told me that they had depleted practically all of their savings over the years due to Rose’s ongoing medical procedures.

The bills had exhausted them, and now with her court case waiting and the possibility of requiring therapy for her behavioral disorders, the financial strain was becoming insurmountable.

My father finally begged me almost pleadingly:

*”If I could start sending them money every month because I was doing so well in life.”*

My mother soon stepped in, emphasizing that:

*”The money would only be used for Rose and nothing else.”*

I shook my head in answer, feeling a knot form in my stomach.

I implored them, my voice quivering with rage:

*”Do you really think I would just send you my hard-earned money to spend on Rose?”*

I was straining to contain my rage:

*”No matter how much you need it, how could I possible assist you with her?”*

*”She was the one who bullied me for years.”*

*”She’s the one that made my life miserable.”*

*”She’s the one who destroyed every birthday party I’ve ever had.”*

My voice cracked as I continued:

*”She is the one who has never shown any sympathy or concern for me, so why should I ate her now?”*

My history with Rose was so unpleasant, and now they expected me to jump in and be the financial rescuer for someone who had treated me so badly. It didn’t make sense, and I couldn’t let go of years of pain.

A Necessary Blame

I did not stop there, however. All of my frustration and years of bottled up resentment came spilling out. I pointed out to my parents that they had never kept me safe from Rose. They’d never given me genuine compassion when it came to her. Instead, they simply expected me to follow suit, to buy into their story, and to care for her as if everything she did was something I had to accept.

I was a youngster, and I needed their protection, but they had let me down several times. I explained that just because Rose has ADHD does not mean she should not be held accountable for her conduct now that she is an adult.

I blamed my parents and made it plain that if they had given her proper care when she was younger, things could have turned out differently now. Perhaps she would have grown into a better person capable of realizing the pain she causes others. But they didn’t. They had let her get away with so much that she was eventually jailed for pestering young children. Even after this, they kept urging me to intervene and assist her, as if I weren’t her first victim.

My parents attempted to argue back, but I informed them that while I appreciated their apologies, it did not mean I would simply forgive and forget everything that had happened. My parents backed down after hearing this. They told me that regardless of whether I could help them financially, they wanted to keep working on our relationship.

Mom informed me that she and Dad regretted they had made other decisions back then, but because they couldn’t erase the past, they wanted to be there for me in whatever way they could going forward. On the one hand, I applauded their eagerness to move forward, but on the other, I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go of all the sorrow I’d been carrying for so long. I asked for some time to think.

Final Thoughts and Updates

I want to clarify a few points because I can’t respond to everyone in the comments. No, my sister was never bullied. She attended a special school developed for children with similar disabilities, and it was a tiny, closely regulated environment.

The school only accepted a small number of special needs kids who were closely monitored during the day. Her instructors were wonderful and provided good care for her, and my parents were constantly active in her life, checking in on her on a daily basis. There’s no way my sister was bullied at school and took out her frustration on me. The truth is that her troubles were never caused by outside influences. They were caused by how she was allowed to behave at home.

My parents tolerated her frequent mistreatment of me. If she bit me, slapped me, or shoved me, she would face no consequences. Meanwhile, I was always expected to console Rose or be more sympathetic of her actions.

As for why Rose was never sent to therapy, the simple reality is that it has always been too expensive for my parents to consider. Furthermore, my mother has always maintained a possessive attitude about Rose. She never let her spend much time with anyone else since she believed that only she knew Rose’s needs. As a result, Rose is too reliant on my mother, who makes all decisions for her.

For those wondering how my grandparents feel about my parents trying to reconnect with me, they’re not delighted. They haven’t communicated much to my parents throughout the years, especially since I was kicked out and wanted to go to college. Since then, their relationship has been rocky, and they have generally maintained their distance.

My grandparents have only maintained in contact with my parents because they occasionally help out with Rose, whether it’s babysitting or caring for her when my parents need it. My grandparents understand exactly what Rose is like. They’ve witnessed her conduct personally, including her bullying, and are dissatisfied in how my parents have handled everything over the years. They’ve always been supportive of me, but they’ve never dismissed Rose’s axe.

So with my parents now wishing to make amends and reconnect with me, my grandparents have made it obvious that they understand my reluctance. They have asked me to be cautious. They understand how devastated I have been as a result of my parents’ actions, and they do not want me to rush into anything that could wind up being much more traumatic.

My folks have also continued to message me all week. They strongly urge me to consider giving them another shot. They keep saying how much they regret the way things have been between us and how they’ve recognized they made mistakes. As a result, I’m torn.

I apologize for the month-long gap between updates. My sister has been compelled to attend court mandated counseling, which I believe is a step in the right way. My parents also had to pay a significant fine as a result of Rose’s harassment of those children.

I honestly expected my sister’s punishment would be harsher, but I guess the judge was lenient because this was Rose’s first formal crime. In addition, some of the children’s parents have filed a restraining order against my sister. Rose is now legally compelled to stay far away from their children. If she breaks the order, she will be arrested.

Now back to my parents. Since that conversation in which I declined to grant them any financial assistance, they have not mentioned it again. We have continued to chat, but only about minor details.

I guess they meant what they said and are just trying to rebuild their relationship with me. Although I am glad to be back in their life, I am not ready to resume a full connection with my family, especially with Rose. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her, no matter how much time passes. The things she did to me—bullying me, making my life miserable for so many years—cannot simply be wiped. I hope that through counseling she will finally learn to hold herself accountable for her acts. To be honest, I have no idea how long it will take or if it will ever happen.