My Girlfriend Admitted She Wasn’t in Love Anymore Yet Wanted to Continue Living Together, So… (Full Update)

The Transition to Roommate

The next morning, I told her I was fine with being roommates. She seemed relieved and hugged me.

She said “she was so glad I understood and that this would be better for both of us in the long run.”

That’s when I decided to become the perfect roommate—not boyfriend, roommate. I stopped making coffee for her in the morning.

I had always made a full pot and left her mug on the counter next to it. Now I make exactly one cup in my travel mug and take it to work with me.

I stopped doing her laundry. I had always thrown her clothes in with mine when I was doing a load. Now I only wash my own stuff.

I stopped buying her favorite foods when I went grocery shopping. I had always picked up the specific brand of yogurt she likes and the expensive granola she eats for breakfast.

Now I buy exactly what I need for myself and nothing extra. When she asked me to book a dinner reservation for her and her girlfriends last week, I told her I was busy that evening.

I suggested she call the restaurant directly since they usually have availability if you call ahead. When her car started making that grinding noise again, she mentioned it to me while I was working on my laptop.

I told her that sounded frustrating and suggested she get a few quotes from mechanics in the area. I said Yelp usually has good reviews for local auto shops.

She keeps looking at me like she’s waiting for me to do something. She leaves dishes in the sink longer than usual, probably expecting me to wash them like I used to.

I just wash my own dishes and leave hers where they are. She’s been playing sad music in the living room and sighing loudly when I’m nearby.

Yesterday she asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her and I said I was planning to go to the gym. I can see her getting more frustrated every day, but I don’t understand why.

I’m giving her exactly what she asked for. We’re roommates now.

I treat her the same way I would treat any roommate: with basic politeness and respect, but without the extras that come from being in love with someone. Her phone got shut off yesterday because I removed my card from her family plan.

She came to me in a panic asking what happened. I explained that since we’re not really a family anymore, it made sense for her to have her own phone plan.

I offered to help her set up service with Verizon or T-Mobile. I’m not trying to be mean or get revenge; I’m just being logical.

She made it clear that our romantic relationship is over, so I’m adjusting my behavior to match that reality. I don’t do extra things for roommates that I would only do for someone I’m in love with.

The lease on our apartment is up in two months and I’m not planning to renew it. I’ve been looking at one-bedroom places closer to my office.

Belinda doesn’t know yet because she hasn’t asked, and roommates don’t typically discuss their long-term housing plans unless it directly affects the other person. Am I handling this wrong? Should I be doing more to try to work things out?

I feel like I’m being reasonable, but maybe I’m missing something.

Update One: The Reality of Independence

Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. A lot of people asked for an update, so here it is.

Things have gotten more interesting since I last wrote. Belinda’s frustration has turned into something closer to panic, and I think she’s starting to understand the full implications of what she asked for.

Let me start with what happened on her birthday last week. Belinda turned 27 on Tuesday.

In the past, I would plan something special for her birthday. Two years ago, I surprised her with a weekend trip to Napa Valley.

Last year, I organized a dinner party with all her friends at that expensive Italian place she loves. I would typically spend weeks planning, make reservations, coordinate with her friends, and handle all the details.

This year, I wished her happy birthday in the morning and asked if she had any fun plans for the day. She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

She said “she thought we might do something together to celebrate.”

I told her that sounded nice and asked what she had in mind. She said she hadn’t made any specific plans because she assumed I would handle it like I always did.

I reminded her that planning birthday celebrations is typically something boyfriends do for their girlfriends or something people do for themselves. Since we’re roommates now, I figured she would want to celebrate with her actual friends rather than her roommate.

She stared at me for a long moment, then said she would figure something out. She spent most of the day texting people trying to organize something last minute.

Most of her friends were busy because it was a Tuesday night and she hadn’t given them advanced notice. She ended up ordering Chinese food and eating it alone while watching Netflix.

I was in the office working on a project that was due the next morning. The financial reality has been hitting her harder than I expected.

Besides the phone bill situation I mentioned before, there have been several other wakeup calls. Her car registration was due last month.

I had always handled that for both of us because I’m organized about paperwork and deadlines. She didn’t realize it was her responsibility now until she got pulled over for expired tags.

The ticket was $250, plus she had to pay late fees for the registration renewal. Our car insurance was up for renewal and I removed her from my policy.

She had to get her own insurance, which cost significantly more than the family discount rate she was getting on my plan. She called me at work asking why her insurance card wasn’t working when she tried to show it to the police officer during the traffic stop.

She’s been asking me to drive her places because her car is still making noise and she’s nervous about driving it. Last Saturday, she asked me to take her to Target because she needed to pick up some things and didn’t trust her car for the 20-minute drive.

I told her I had plans to go hiking with my friend Mike, but I could drop her off at Target on my way if she wanted. She asked how she was supposed to get home and I suggested she could call an Uber or take the bus.

The bus stop is right outside Target and our apartment is on the direct route. She ended up taking the bus home, which took over an hour because she had to wait 30 minutes for the next bus and then make two transfers.

She was carrying heavy bags and looked exhausted when she got back. I think she’s starting to realize how much I was handling behind the scenes.

I used to take care of all the little things that make life easier. Now she has to figure out everything herself and she’s discovering that being an adult requires a lot more planning and money than she remembered.

Her freelance work has picked up a little bit but not enough to cover all her new expenses. She got a small project designing a logo for a local restaurant which paid $800.

But between her new phone bill, car insurance, the traffic ticket, and having to buy her own groceries, that money disappeared quickly. She’s been eating a lot of pasta and canned soup lately because those are some of the cheapest things she can find.

I continue to buy my normal groceries, including fresh vegetables, good meat, and the organic stuff I like. I keep it all on my designated shelves in the refrigerator and pantry.

Last weekend, she asked if she could borrow some of my food because she was running low on groceries and wouldn’t get paid for her latest project until the following week. I told her she was welcome to anything in the shared sections like salt, pepper, and basic condiments, but the rest was my personal food.

She asked if I could spot her some money for groceries and she would pay me back when her client paid her. I explained that lending money to roommates can make things awkward, especially when there’s no clear timeline for repayment.

I suggested she could ask her friends or family for help or maybe pick up some extra freelance work. The social dynamics have been interesting too.

Belinda’s friends have stopped coming over as much as they used to. I think they feel awkward around me now that they know we’re not actually dating anymore.

When they do come over, they whisper a lot and keep looking at me like they’re trying to figure out what I’m thinking. Two of her friends, Patty and Amanda, came over last Thursday night.

They were clearly there to give Belinda emotional support and probably to talk about me. I said hello when they arrived, then went to my office to work.

I could hear them talking quietly in the living room for about two hours. When they were leaving, Patty stopped by my office door and asked if she could talk to me for a minute.

She said “Belinda was going through a hard time” and asked if there was any way we could work things out.

She said “Belinda really cares about me and maybe just got scared about the commitment.”

I told Patty I appreciated her concern, but Belinda had been very clear about not being in love with me anymore. I said I was respecting Belinda’s honesty and trying to be a good friend by not putting pressure on her to change her feelings.

Patty looked frustrated and said that wasn’t what she meant.

Patty said “Sometimes people say things they don’t really mean when they’re stressed or confused.”

I asked Patty if she thought Belinda was lying when she said she wasn’t in love with me. Patty didn’t have a good answer for that.

The conversation with Patty made me realize that Belinda’s friends are trying to fix something that Belinda herself said was broken. They’re treating this like a temporary relationship problem instead of the permanent change in status that Belinda requested.

I’ve been going out more in the evenings. I joined a hiking group that meets on weekends and I’ve been going to the gym consistently.

I signed up for a cooking class on Thursday nights, which is something I always wanted to try but never had time for when I was busy managing our relationship. Belinda has been home alone most evenings now.

She used to have plans with friends several nights a week, but that seems to have dropped off. I’m not sure if it’s because she can’t afford to go out as much or if her friends are less available now that she doesn’t have a boyfriend to help coordinate group activities.

I found an apartment I really like. It’s a one-bedroom place about 15 minutes closer to my office with a great kitchen and a small balcony.

The rent is actually less than what I’m paying now because I won’t be splitting a two-bedroom. I haven’t signed anything yet because I want to give Belinda enough notice to figure out her own housing situation.

She still hasn’t asked me about the lease renewal even though it’s coming up in six weeks. I wonder if she’s assuming I’ll just handle it like I used to handle everything else.