My Girlfriend Admitted She Wasn’t in Love Anymore Yet Wanted to Continue Living Together, So… (Full Update)

She said “she had been talking to Amanda and Patty about everything and they thought we should try couples counseling before making any permanent decisions.”

I told her I wasn’t interested in couples counseling because I didn’t consider us a couple anymore. She said “she understood I was hurt but that walking away wasn’t the solution.”

She said “we had built something good together and it was worth fighting for.”

I asked her what specifically we had built together that was worth fighting for. She mentioned our shared friend group, our comfortable routine, and how well we worked as a team when we weren’t dealing with relationship drama.

I pointed out that those things described a good roommate situation, not a romantic relationship. She got frustrated and said I was being deliberately difficult.

She said “she knew I still had feelings for her and that I was just being stubborn.”

I asked her what made her think I still had feelings for her. She said “she could tell by the way I looked at her sometimes and that nobody changes their behavior as dramatically as I have unless they were trying to protect themselves from getting hurt.”

I said that was an interesting theory but that she was wrong. I said the reason my behavior had changed was because my feelings had changed.

She asked when exactly I had stopped loving her. I thought about it for a moment, then told her it was probably the night I realized she had told her friends about our conversation before she had even finished having it with me.

I said that was when I understood she wasn’t actually interested in having an honest conversation with me. She was just looking for validation from her friends about a decision she had already made.

She said “that wasn’t fair and that she had just needed support from her friends during a difficult conversation.”

I said I understood why she needed support, but the timing showed me that she wasn’t really considering my perspective or leaving room for us to work through things together. She had already decided how the conversation was going to go.

She started crying and said “she never meant for things to end this way.”

I said I believed her, but that intentions didn’t really matter as much as actions. The movers arrived the next morning at eight.

Belinda stayed in her bedroom while they loaded my furniture and boxes. I had already moved most of my clothes and personal items to the new apartment over the previous few days, so the actual move was pretty quick.

Before I left, I knocked on her bedroom door to say goodbye. She didn’t answer, but I could hear her crying inside.

I left my key on the kitchen counter next to a note with my new address in case she needed to forward any mail or had questions about the security deposit. My new apartment is great.

It’s smaller than the place I shared with Belinda, but everything in it belongs to me and reflects my actual preferences instead of compromises we made as a couple. I have a reading chair by the window where I drink my morning coffee.

I bought plants for the balcony. I set up my office exactly how I wanted.

I’ve been dating someone new for about three weeks. Her name is Rebecca and she’s a nurse at the hospital downtown.

We met at the hiking group I joined a few months ago. She has her own apartment, pays her own bills, and has never asked me to fix anything for her or handle her errands.

When Rebecca cooks dinner for us, she also cleans up afterward. When we go out, she pays for her own meal unless we specifically agree beforehand that one of us is treating the other.

When she says she loves spending time with me, she demonstrates it by planning activities we can do together instead of expecting me to plan everything. It’s been a good reminder of what a balanced relationship actually looks like.

Belinda texted me last week asking if we could meet for coffee to talk. She said she wanted closure and to apologize for how things ended.

I didn’t respond to the text. We already had closure the day I moved out.

She doesn’t need my permission to apologize, and I don’t need to hear her apology to move on with my life. From what I understand through mutual friends, she ended up moving back in with her parents.

She’s still doing freelance graphic design work, but she’s also looking for a full-time job with benefits and a steady salary. Patty mentioned that Belinda has been asking about me and wondering if I’m happy in my new place.

Patty asked if I would be open to talking to Belinda if she reached out. I told Patty that Belinda was welcome to reach out if she had something specific she needed to discuss, but that I wasn’t interested in rekindling our friendship or having conversations about our past relationship.

Patty said “Belinda was having a hard time adjusting to living with her parents again and that she felt like she had lost her best friend along with her boyfriend.”

I said that was unfortunate, but that it was a natural consequence of the choices Belinda made. I said I hoped she would figure things out and find happiness, but that I wasn’t the right person to help her with that process.

Some people might think I handled this situation too harshly, but I think Belinda needed to learn that relationships have real consequences and that you can’t expect people to wait around indefinitely while you figure out what you want. She told me she wasn’t in love with me, so I stopped acting like someone who was in love with her.

She wanted the benefits of having a devoted boyfriend without the obligation of being a devoted girlfriend. When I stopped providing those benefits, she realized what she was giving up.

But by then, I had realized what I was giving up too. I was giving up my time, energy, and money to someone who didn’t appreciate any of it enough to love me back.

I was settling for a relationship where I cared more than she did and where I was responsible for making everything work while she just enjoyed the results. I’m not angry with Belinda anymore.

I think she’s a decent person who made some selfish choices without fully thinking through the implications. But I also don’t miss her or wish things had worked out differently.

I’m much happier now with someone who actually wants to be with me rather than someone who just likes the lifestyle I can provide.