My mother-in-law CUT OFF my daughter’s CURLY HAIR to make her “MATCH BETTER”

The comment section filled with people analyzing how it was a classic non-apology that centered Ruth’s feelings rather than addressing the harm to Zoe. Several people shared similar letters they’d received from toxic family members that followed the exact same pattern.

One commenter pointed out that Ruth had written three pages about her own pain but only three sentences about what she’d done to Zoe. Another person noted that Ruth never once used the word “sorry” or apologized for anything except not asking permission, which wasn’t even the real problem.

Two days after I posted the letter, Marissa reached out to me directly for the first time through a private message. She admitted “she’d always felt uncomfortable with how Ruth treated Zoe but hadn’t spoken up because she didn’t want to rock the boat.”

She apologized and asked what she could do now to help repair the damage. I told her “the most helpful thing would be for her and Hank to stop accepting Ruth’s favoritism toward Chloe and to back us up when we maintained boundaries.”

Marissa agreed and said she’d been talking to Hank about how they’d enabled his mother’s behavior by accepting the expensive gifts and special treatment for their daughter while Zoe got nothing.

A month after the incident, Zoe’s therapist reports some progress but notes that Zoe still shows anxiety around the topic of grandparents. She asks repeatedly “why Grandma Ruth doesn’t love her like she loves Olivia and Chloe.”

These questions break my heart every single time. I sit in the parking lot after the appointment and cry because my baby shouldn’t have to ask those questions at two years old.

She should just know she’s loved by everyone. The therapist explains “that Zoe’s brain is trying to make sense of the rejection and that she’ll probably keep asking for a while.”

She recommends I give simple, age-appropriate answers that validate Zoe’s feelings without badmouthing Ruth. I practice the responses on the drive home but they all feel wrong.

The truth is Ruth doesn’t love Zoe the same way, and I don’t know how to make that okay. I share Zoe’s questions on the social media account and the response is overwhelming.

Hundreds of people share their own childhood memories of asking similar questions about why grandparents loved their siblings or cousins more. Many say they still carry that rejection decades later.

One person writes about being 45 years old and still feeling the sting of watching their grandmother hug their sister while barely acknowledging them. Another shares that they went to therapy as an adult specifically to process the damage from a favorist grandmother.

The comments keep coming for days, and each one validates what I already know: that this kind of treatment leaves permanent scars. Several people thank me for protecting Zoe now instead of forcing her to keep accepting Ruth’s cruelty for the sake of family peace.

They say they wish their parents had done the same. Tom’s aunt reaches out saying she wants to organize a family meeting to address Ruth’s behavior.

But Tom and I refuse to participate unless Ruth first acknowledges the full extent of her favoritism in writing. We’re done with family meetings where everyone pressures us to forgive and move on.

Tom’s aunt sounds frustrated when he explains our position, but he holds firm. He tells her “that his mother needs to demonstrate real understanding before we’ll sit in a room with her.”

His aunt argues “that Ruth is too proud to write something like that” and asked “maybe we could compromise by having a mediator present.”

Tom says, “no compromise ruth writes it or we don’t come.”

His aunt hangs up saying “we’re being unreasonable” but Tom just shrugs. He’s learned that protecting Zoe matters more than keeping his extended family comfortable.

Ruth apparently hears about our conditions for a family meeting and sends another letter. This one’s slightly better but still focused mostly on her intentions rather than her impact.

She claims she never meant to hurt Zoe and loves all her granddaughters equally, which is such an obvious lie that Tom doesn’t even finish reading it. He gets to the part where she says “she loves them equally” and throws the letter across the kitchen.

I pick it up and read the rest. Ruth explains “that she just has different relationships with each girl based on their personalities.”

She writes that Olivia is easier to connect with because she’s older and Chloe is more affectionate. She never once mentions that the real difference is their blonde hair and how they look like the family she wanted.

The letter ends with Ruth asking when she can see Zoe again because she misses her granddaughter. Tom takes the letter and writes across the top in red marker “that Ruth is still lying” and sends it back to her.

Five weeks after the haircut, the social media account has 10,000 followers. I’m getting messages daily from people thanking me for speaking up about grandparent favoritism.

Several people say the account helped them recognize similar dynamics in their own families and set better boundaries. One mother writes “that she finally told her mother-in-law she couldn’t babysit anymore after seeing my posts because she realized the preferential treatment was damaging her younger son.”

Another person shares that they cut off contact with their father completely after reading about Zoe because they recognized the same pattern with their own kids. The messages make me feel less alone but also sad that so many families deal with this poison.

I start a discussion thread asking people how they handled favorist grandparents and the responses fill up with practical advice and warnings about what doesn’t work. Camila takes a major step by telling Ruth that she won’t accept any more expensive gifts or special experiences for Olivia unless Ruth provides exactly the same for all three granddaughters.

Ruth apparently cries and says “Camila is punishing her” but Camila holds firm. She calls me afterward to tell me about the conversation and her voice shakes when she describes Ruth’s reaction.

Ruth accused her “of being ungrateful” and said “she was just trying to be a good grandmother to Olivia.”

Camila told her “that being a good grandmother means treating all the grandchildren fairly” and Ruth started crying harder. Camila says she almost gave in but then thought about Zoe sitting alone in that playpen with her butchered hair and stayed strong.

Ruth ended the call by saying “Camila was breaking her heart.” Camila tells me she feels guilty but knows it’s the right thing to do.

Hank and Marissa follow Camila’s lead and establish the same boundary with Ruth regarding Chloe. Ruth calls Tom crying about “how her own children are ganging up on her” and Tom tells her “that they’re finally holding her accountable for treating their children differently.”

I can hear Ruth’s voice through the phone even though Tom doesn’t have it on speaker. She’s wailing about “how nobody understands her and everyone is being cruel.”